They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
