I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
