I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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