i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
