am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
