if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize