I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
