Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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