dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
