ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
