I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
