I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
