Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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