I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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