Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
