no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize