So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
