oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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