I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
