who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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