I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
