Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
