Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
