Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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