why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
