I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
