I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
