You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
