i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
