Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
