Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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