why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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