It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
