I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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