dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
