Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
