I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
