Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yo dont text me then not text me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
