The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
