i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
