So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
