im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
