you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
