Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
