She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
