just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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