I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
