where am i from again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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