We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
