i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Text me some of your sweat
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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