DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
