Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
