You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
