And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
