Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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