i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
