I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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