Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
