well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
