the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
