Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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