why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Boobs speak an international language.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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