he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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