im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
